10 Things I Love About My Body

And I challenge you to name 10 about yourself.

Ever since I started working in women’s lifestyle media, I’ve found myself more and more often peering at my reflection. Daily emails about new product launches have taught me all the ways in which my body is imperfect, all while presenting (often expensive) solutions, like $100, 0.5-ounce jars of Crème de la Mer. (I mean, it’s Michelle Yeoh-approved.) More often than not, I am dissatisfied—though passively accepting—about what I see. I take the “it is what it is” approach. Though, if you asked me what I didn’t like about my body, I could rattle off a litany of features that I’ve committed to memory much better than anything else that would be useful, like actual prayers or the Bible.

While plunged into this world of promised perfection, I’ve also been introduced to the many means—far beyond what will soon seem to be quite an innocent $100 cream—used to attain the illusion. After learning about the prevalence of “aesthetic medicine” (YES, it’s a huge field in which “doctors” help you become hotter—at the expense, potentially, of your literal, physical health), I’ve never felt more naive. Injectables are everywhere. (And I mean EVERYWHERE—TW, it’s a bit vulgar.) I’ve “reached the age” where I have peers who do Botox, hyaluronic acid fillers and other sundry procedures. Everyone’s teeth are perfect because they’ve forked over no small amount of money for veneers. That’s, of course, in addition to the laundry list of other things—$1,000 monthly facials (FACTS, I went to review a spa for work where their signature treatment was $700, add tax and tip, please), Equinox memberships, Whole Foods grocery runs, eyebrow threading and all manners of lasering, and we haven’t even touched our skincare and makeup budget yet.

I’d like to clearly state that I begrudge no one for their beauty routine choices or budgets. I am simply laying out the environment in which I sit, dissatisfied with and borderline hating my body, which has undergone nothing except one very aggressive facial in which the esthetician applied an otherworldly micro current device that resembled a defibrillator, and runs on a train of free product samples.

It’s easy to nitpick over the things I don’t like, but part of me has long also felt guilty for doing so. Finally, after months of careening on this train of thought, I was thrown right off the rails by a conversation I had with a friend last year, talking about bodies and beauty and this wild industry I work in. She has a chronic illness that, at times, has made it difficult for her to stand up without assistance. When I visited her, she was attached to an IV pole half the time and couldn’t lift her arms above her head. So when I said I couldn’t name anything I liked about my body, she point blank said: You can stand up by yourself.

Touché.

Now, every time I look at my reflection and feel dissatisfied or jealous, I remember this. Recently, a fellow writer recently shared that she’s trying to love her body more. So, in that spirit, and in tandem with my challenge to write down 10 things I’m grateful for everyday, for a year, here are 10 things I appreciate about my body. I hope that maybe, you might take a minute and think about why you love yours.

1. My teeth! I thankfully have no cavities, good enamel, and the ability to motor thorough anything from 50 bags of popcorn to a fresh baguette and Honey Crisp apple.

2. Legs. The NYC subway system is only 23% accessible for people with physical disabilities so…if you can’t walk, it’s almost impossible to get around.

3. Eyes! I don’t like wearing glasses or contacts, but I’m grateful that I can see, because I love photography and reading.

4. My feet are small. I’m often insecure and worried that they look stubby in proportion to my height, but the plus of wearing an abnormally small size is that it’s usually never out of stock.

5. Arms that have lugged many a weighty package in a three-story walkup and washed innumerable dishes.

6. My laugh. It’s not dainty. I don’t think it’s cute. But it is expressive—I love to laugh, and I do it loudly.

7. Fingers, because I’m a writer. I couldn’t even begin to imagine not writing.

8. Hair. Mine is very fine, and not very dense, but it’s easy to maintain, hides sweat and keeps my neck from freezing in the winter.

9. A nose that smells flowers and cake and French fries.

10. My hearing! I’m writing a novel about music and have listened to so much Rachmaninoff, Satie, and Beethoven. Grateful to hear these celestial sounds.

What I’m Reading

“How to Be Manifestly Happier” - Arthur C. Brooks, The Atlantic

“Welcome to Bama Confidential” - Anne Helen Peterson, Culture Study (There are 5 parts. You’ll need at least an hour. BUT IT’S WILD, I PROMISE.)

Stay True - Hua Hsu

“‘The Crocodile,’ Dostoevsky’s Weirdest Short Story” - Emily Zarevich, JSTOR Daily

“On Vowing to Love My Body More” - Jenny Jin, Outside In

“Jawbreakers: Young patients want beautifully imperfect veneers. They’re getting pain, debt, and regret.” - Angelina Chapin, The Cut

“Cowboy (Carter) Like Me” - Mia Brabham Nolan, In Deep

“The Curious History of Competitive Eating” - Betsy Golden Kellem, JSTOR Daily

“Why Do We Want to Look Like Glass?” - Jessica Defino, the Review of Beauty

“How to Influence People—And Make Friends” - Arthur C. Brooks, The Atlantic

What I’m Writing

**I am looking for some beta (AKA test) readers for two fiction manuscripts I am working on. Both are coming-of-age novels, one about a pianist who burns pianos and the other about a girl who’s never been in love but is trying to get her heart broken. If you’d be interested in reading and giving feedback, please get in touch! Timeline is loose.**